A: Oh Chance!!! Oh Random!
ha ha ha ha ha ha
Q: What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
That’s right new friends- chubby mermaid is doing the unthinkably obnoxious. I am using this sacred time of year to be opinionated about religion. (and I’m not even halfway done with this glass of wine ….watch out.)
Before I got married and became a full time husband pleaser/ magicalness giver unto the world. I worked where most college girls work- in the mall. I was always pleasant and tried very hard to be helpful and give people a happy shopping experience. One time- I very politely told a couple “Happy Holidays” and they went off on me in every which direction. They told me I was attacking Christmas and persecuting Christians by ignoring their faith and not saying “Merry Christmas.” I was very sad and confused because they both had seemed so ill tempered and with such horrendous noses that I was almost for certain they were Jewish which is why I said “Happy Holidays” to begin with. I guess you can never win.
But, the whole thing got me to thinking- what do I really believe in, anyway?
I’m not one of those people who feels like I have to keep existing forever. I am okay with dying. In fact, something about the idea of not existing has always made me treat people a little nicer and be more honest with myself. I want to live authentically. I want to enjoy each one of these moments.
Most all of my family is Christian/Catholic and there are many teachings of Jesus that i really admire and feel connected to. But- I just don’t believe in an afterlife. I’ve tried so many times to listen to others and their experiences. I read that little boy’s book about visiting heaven. I’ve heard the evangelicals tell me about the fiery pits of hell. I’ve even educated myself up on purgatory and read Dante’s Inferno. I just don’t believe in an afterlife.
The first time I lost someone precious to me, I was certain I was going to change. I was so devastated and crushed that deep down I really felt that maybe I would wake up the next day and my heart would have seen the light. Some sort of sign would lend itself to me and I would know for certain that such a beautiful person would keep existing forever and ever.
Maybe if I was good all the rest of my days I might earn one more bear hug and slap on the tush. He might even tell me one more terrible dirty joke. Maybe if I was really really good for the rest of my life- I might get to tell him thank you, I love you, or goodbye.
I still want to believe that these things are possible.
But- I don’t.
I was really upset for a long time. Why can’t I just believe like most of my friends and family? Why can’t i just have a set religion that I can trust, that makes me feel safe, and brings me comfort when I am in so much pain?
I guess everyone has their own struggles……even magical mercreatures.
When I think back on my loved one- I am so amazed by what little amount of time he really spent on this Earth. He didn’t give a whole lot of bear hugs or tell a whole of dirty jokes- but he gave the best ones to me….he told the best ones to me. That means so much to me.
He makes me feel warm during the holidays.
I love him.
and as my Dad would have said:
“Thank you God for one more year with my friends and family—-and go Bears.”
yours always and forever,
The Chubby Mermaid